Cases Closed

With respect to case #98713-T, the case of the missing tree tops, we hereby determine the loss of those tree tops (and trees, for that matter) to be due to the power lines that have taken precedence over the oxygen and sanctuary released and provided by said trees. Furthermore, any future occurrences with this matter and this case belong to the City of Upper Arlington; they are given the right to entirely rid the power lines of any and all tree limbs that may interfere with perfect power supply. With respect to the residents of such backyards that may have been affected by the removal of these trees, we are truly sorry, from the bottom of our hearts, that you live in 2011. For if you had only lived about 100 years ago, this case would have been in favor of keeping the trees the way they were, because there were no power lines to interfere with.

[Gavel and sound block smash.]

Note from the plaintiff with reference to case #98713-T: We miss our trees. They provided the perfect screen to make our backyard seem like our little oasis. We understand that we need power, as do our neighbors, but we will be revisiting this area with a solution to bring the privacy back to our backyard. And we will be doing it soon…we hope.

With respect to case #68432-P, the case of the inexplicable nibbles on and around the Halloween pumpkins on the porch, we hereby determine the culprit to be squirrels, of which you are not approved to hunt, capture, trap, torture, lure, or kill intentionally. Furthermore, any future occurrences with this matter will result in the occupants of each residence to remove any and all Halloween pumpkins away from areas that squirrels may traverse if pumpkins with little bites taken out of them are unacceptable.

[Gavel and sound block smash.]

Note from the plaintiff with reference to case #68432-P: Those little stinkers ruined all three of our pumpkins! We have no other comments...