At 33, I thought it might be fun to record a little snapshot of my life right now. After all, it is always changing.
I get up around 5:45-6:00 am. I quickly shower, hopefully grab a bite to eat, and try to be out the door by 6:30 am to get to work around 7:00 am. Kate is usually still sleeping when I leave so I don't typically get to see her in the morning.
I work at a landscape company on the irrigation team in an analyst role and am extremely proud of the part that I have played on my team. I have been with this company for nearly four years and have been happier doing what I am doing than any other role that I have been in here. While it still is not my dream job (does anyone know what that is?!), it is a job that helps get the bills paid and allows us to live the life that we enjoy.
I work from 7:00 am to 4:00 pm and then head directly over to daycare to pick up Kate. I typically get to her around 4:30-4:40 pm and no matter what kind of day I've had, she is the light that always makes it brighter. I am always my happiest when I'm with her.
She and I typically get home around 5:00 pm and I start dinner or at least figuring out dinner. We try to eat around 5:30 pm-6:00 pm.
Recently, we have been staying up way later than normal, with the nice weather and what not, but typically we play/walk/go to the park, then take a bath at 7:00-7:15 pm-ish, then it's books and bed for Kate.
I, however, am also expecting Baby #2 - little sister - so most nights when I put Kate to bed, I fall asleep too and just stay in there with her. (Sorry, Bri.) I know these moments are fleeting, and judge me if you will for sleeping with my 2.5 year old daughter, but I don't care. I love it. She loves it. We both get a good nights sleep, and we won't be sleeping in the same bed forever. For the record, we take baths a lot together too. Sometimes it's just easier that way. And I imagine once little sister is old enough to bathe without an infant seat, she and Kate and perhaps I will take baths together too. There's nothing wrong with either of those.
In terms of life in general, I feel really behind. I joke that I've felt behind since Kate was born, but that is literally the truth. I'm behind on our blog, which I am really sad about, behind on craft projects that I want to complete, behind on videos that I want to create, behind on gifts I want to make for family members, behind on household chores, and laundry, and meal planning. I have had a hard time finding the time to do those things because I always want to spend my free time with Kate more, and I don't want her to be sitting next to me, bored out of her little mind, while I type away at a computer or edit a video or search for recipes. I hope to get caught up somehow, someway, sometime soon. At least get caught up on our blog. That is what upsets me the most about being behind - I forget the little details of the moments I so eagerly want to remember when I back date my posts a couple months back... [Insert sad face here.]
At 33, I know I don't have it all figured out. I have my moments of despair, self consciousness, doubt, frustration, and anger, but I know a heck of a lot more and am a heck of a lot more confident than even just 1 year ago.
My biggest fear is dying young. I don't want to leave my babies. I know they will always be my babies, but I don't want them growing up without their Mommy. I don't think there will ever be a "good" time to leave my babies, but I hope and pray that I live a long, happy, healthy, fulfilled life, and I trust that there is a plan for me.
My biggest hope is happiness. It is elusive, but not impossible. And it is up to me. I want to be happy to teach my girls how to be happy at a much younger age than I learned it. I want to be happy to live a fulfilled life. I want to be happy for my husband. I want to be happy for family and friendships and hardships. I want to be happy for me. It is a lot easier said than done. It is a conscious effort that I must mentally remind myself about. I have grown a lot, learned a lot about myself and am proud of the person I have become in the last 33 years, but I am not perfect and I know there is still room for improvement.
At 33, I've learned that I sometimes need to let it go. Despite all Frozen references, it really is a good motto and I have adopted it as mine. I've even thought of getting a bracelet engraved with "let it go" to wear proudly as a reminder! I've yet to do this, but I've looked into it! A subtle reminder couldn't hurt.
My favorite cake is still strawberry shortcake.
I am simple. The little things in life inspire me more than anything else. I love being outside and spend every chance I can out there. I love being a Mom more than anything in the world. And I love Kate even more than that.
I never knew I'd end up in Ohio, but, at 33, that is where I live with Brian, Kate, our dog - Jack, and soon to be little sister too. I contemplate what it would be like living in Maryland again, and even I don't know if I want to be back there. I miss my family, but I left for many reasons. Now I have my own family to consider and Ohio seems to have more pluses than Maryland when I think about it.
I am 33 years old. And I've also learned that some of my favorite photos of Kate and I are taken on my birthday:
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| 33 years old, officially! And a strawberry shortcake! Love. |
I still have room to grow, to learn, to become a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, but each year I continue to grow closer to finding happiness, my happiness. And each year, I am thankful for that.
[End birthday rant.]
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